Moxiepod News

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 Moxiepod Global Evening News

Anchor : Good Evening, I’m your anchor, Brian Boshatz. and welcome to the Maxiepod Global Evening News ..sponsored by Slumbulder international….”lighting up your world for tomorrow.”
Today’s big news story is of course pregnant Kimmy K whose baby is now definitely going to be delivered on Christmas day.

But the important question is whether or not Kimmy is right to name the baby “North”….or should she give it a more biblical name instead…. say like Jesus for example?

Jane what do you think about the name North South, and is that not too great enough a name?

Jane Purdypinky: Oh I think North South is so great and beautiful and lovely and prophetic…I would love to have a baby named North South…and born on Christmas day….it all soooo fits in…….

Anchor: Yes it does…um…Ok Jane, thank you…just what our viewers needed to hear from you….. and now a brief word from our sponsor…Slumbulder International….’busy building your world of tomorrow‘….

gimmie gimmie gimmie some Methane….gimmie gimmie gimmie some mo……gimmie gimmie gimmie some Methane….please keep givin me mo …….please keep givin me Methane….please keep givin me mo..please keep givin me Methane….gonna start a fire in my brain….tryin to put this jingle in your brain….just put this stupid jingle in your brain.…’Methane…..the cleaner burning fossil fuel……brought to you by Slumbulder International…..We’ll light up your world with Methane!”

Anchor: That was our sponsor…..and we thank him truly from the bottom of our hearts for his sponsorship….that commercial just sends shivers up my spine…..

Jane Purdypinky: oh yes yes….it makes me feel so warm all over my body….it makes me feel so good and warm and……..

Anchor: um..yes of course Jane…..

Well now we have to pause unfortunately and um…we have a Maxiepod Viewpoint presented by our International Chief of Maxiepod News Timothy Tootles. Timothy make this quick, our viewers are busy people…and try to be interesting Tootles! We need ratings….

Tim Tootles: Uh..yes sir..um…yes I think we’ve cornered Paulie the Polar Bear, and are trying to tame him with a pea shooter.
I think Paulie the Polar Bear is going to bite the stuffing’s out of us, and uh if we keep playing with him, he’ll probably get his friend
Dong the Dragon, and then there’s going to be…uh…snow flurries for the next Fifty years all over the place sir..

Anchor: Oh well who cares?..I love to ski and if it gets too cold. I guess I’ll all have to move to Fiji, or Bora Bora…ha ha….

Tim Tootles : Uh..well even in places like Fiji, and Bora Bora sir.. where its nice and hot now um…its probably going to snow get dark and cloudy nothing much will grow or maybe just weeds…. and uh…well..whoever is left is going to be smoking radiant Medical Marijuana for breakfast lunch and probably dinner sir….and uh

Anchor: Alright Alright, Tootles..enough of that…. we don’t have time for negative bibble babble and depressing revelations….we have more important news to get to….how will I explain this to Mr. Bumbleburn?

Tim Tootles: Yes sir…sorry sir…I really need this job sir…doesn’t pay much..but!

Anchor: Yeah yeah…just go away…um..I mean….thank you Tootles..

Anchor: And now we have economic news from our parent company Bumbleburn Financial…”the Financial News We Want You to Believe”
Here’s our chief financial chief…Erwin Bloomintumin…Erwin what’s happening in the world of money today?

Bloomintumin: Yeah…China just lowered its interest rate, what that means to you is cheaper money. My Tip for the day, buy stocks! Just buy stocks! Buy stocks! Did you get that? Buy stocks. Tell your broker, or 401k manager to buy Moxiepod stocks! Buy Moxiepod stocks…got that? Or you can can go to Bumbleburn.com and buy Bumbleburn stock, its the same thing.  Also get a mortgage! Get…a …..mortgage…borrow money…you don’t need to buy a house, just…get…a…mortgage..read…my…lips….GET…A…MORTGAGE….borrow…money. Understand? Don’t be stupid…borrow money! Buy Stock.
You’re welcome.

Anchor: What a great tip….I think I’ll do just that once I have some money saved up Erwin.

Jane Purdypinsky: Oh I wish I could buy stock..but I just don’t get paid enough….um how can I buy stock, and get a mortgage and buy a house and get married and live happily ever after?

Erwin Bloomintumin: Borrow money…go to a bank, anywhere, anyplace, any time and boooorrroooowww mooooooneeeeeyyyy..understand Jane?..borrow…money….Jane…just borrow and buy stock Jane… You got that? Borrow money and buy stock!

jane Purdypinsky: Oh…ok…borrow money and buy stock…oh great that was so easy to understand…thank you so much….I just want to be hap….

Erwin Bloomintumin: Yeah…whatever.

Anchor: Thank you so much Erwin

Erwin: Burp.

Anchor:

And now we want to welcome our special major world correspondent..Enrique Machubichu…
Enrique what important news do you have for us this evening?…
Enrique?….Enrique???
Jane!

Jane Purdypinsky : Oh Rico…mi Amore….how I missed you…
Enrique Machubichu : Oh…yane…mi Juanita….mi mos-quee-ta…
Jane Purdypinsky : what’s happening flaco?
Enrique : Well mi beja primitiva…we have just received word that the Boobster has just undergone Hyper Extreme Multi Gender Transexualization Surgery…or HERMTS overnight and now possesses fully functioning male and female sexual organs, as well as several other bio engineered variants.

Jane Purdypinsky: oh How exciting! how exciting! Im so excited!

Enrique : Si…Si…yes..yes…the Boobster will now be calling himself the BeboobSerena-oh! and is going to start shooting his new reality TV series in one month…it will be named
“The Real Gender Wars” and is being produced by Bumbleburn production company..parent company of Moxiepod …and will be airing sometime early next year, and we all look forward to seeing it, of course.

Anchor: Oh yes we surely are!

Jane Purdypinsky: Oh yes yes that sounds so exciting…

Enrique: Si..si. yes ..yes..um but right now he’s still comatose…apparently his brain cannot produce enough neural energy to fully understand the functions of his new organs and so he’s still asleep. Doctors are sure that he will recover in two weeks and by then will know how to use all his new sexual organs.

Anchor: Oh that’s just great..we certainly wish him well here at Moxiepod.

Jane Purdypinsky: Oh we so hope he’s feeling better..and we’re so looking forward to seeing his new show! I hope he learns how to use his organs.

Enrique Machubichu : Si …Si..yes ..yes….I hope so too….I have only one, eh sometimes two… one of them is easy, the other one sometimes is a little hard to use….but yes we hope he finds out how to use his new ones….and they are many and will be fun once he learns exactly how they work

Anchor: I have one and its really hard to use. Almost don’t even get the chance these days Jane…

Jane Purdypinsky: I have one…um twoooo…sometimes three…and they re so easy to use…..well one of them is a little painful…but…

Anchor: Uh Yeah….Now then…we have to ask the question that’s on everyone’s mind:

“Is Bruce anymore exciting as Caitlyn than he was as Bruce?”

Jane?…

Jane Purdypinsky: Oh yes, what a wonderful and truly great a question for our viewers..yes yes….please email your response
to :

My_Purdypinsky@meaninglessquestion.com //the_most_important_question_in_the_world /redirectto:suck_your_mind_out_ofyourhead.gog

And we’ll definitely have the results for you at a later time..I promise….if there is any later time left. Oh I just love my job…I wish I could keep it forever…and just…be…hap…..

Enrique Machubichu: I have time, all I need is a few minutes most of the time and…

Jane: Yes…you’re pretty fast Rico….I just wish you’d take more ti….

Anchor: Yes…yes..um… Thank you Jane, thank you Enrique, that was a wonderful presentation( and um…we’ll… um..get together later Jane, and discuss all this in far more detail after work..).

Enrique: Maricon!

Anchor: …And now to sports…Josh? I hear there’s a real barn burner down there in Slumbulder International Stadium as the U.S. Yahweecans meet the RF Nietyawonts …..

Josh Belchingburger: Ah ..yeah…hmm…ok…um…oh yeah….all eyes are on the Armageddon Bowl down in Syria’s MoMethane Stadium….opening pass by U.S. Yahweecans QB Bam Bam Eisel was intercepted by the Ruskies. Nietyawonts QB Vladi Putzki took the Rushkies down for a quick touchdown and an early 7-0 lead over the Brewshkies. But you can be sure the Brewshkies will come right back with all the firepower they have….Should be a real barn burner- for as long as it lasts. …..hmmm..yeah….my cuticles need some work….

Anchor: sour mash vs mashed potatoes…
that sounds like an awesome game Josh …I definitely intend to watch that game-if it lasts long enough and we’re still here……Now then…back to Kimmy K and Coinyay and their choice of the name “East West”, uh…I mean “North South”…I just love that name, so universal, so cosmic so..uh… so all inclusive… and now lets see how President and Michelle Obama feel about all this…..

Economic Principles