A Libertarian’s Nightmare


A Bad Dream

For the past month or two I have been having bad dreams. Perhaps its due to the moderate amounts of alcohol, the intermittent sleep, or possibly the terrible stories on the evening news. I dont really know, but the night before I had one of the very worst dreams ever.

After having only a few drinks I began watching the News on my local station. After a few minutes I nodded off and fell asleep on the sofa. Two hours later I awoke during a rousing episode of “America’s got talent” and decided it was best if I made my way to my bed.

Slowly I stumbled into my room, found my bed, and fell asleep again.

I then had a very strange dream, a nightmare actually.

I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the rousing episode of “America’s got talent” but a short while into my sleep I started feeling uncomfortable, as if something was nagging at me. I felt closed in and oppressed. I felt hot, and my head was cloudy and confused.

And this is how my dream started.

Somehow I began to dream that I was in London, visiting. Walking the cloudy streets. And I had the feeling I was looking for something or someone. I found myself descending into a store, actually a semi-basement apparently looking for what I had believed in my dream to be a long lost relative of mine.

As I descended into this semi basement from the street I saw that it was a workshop of some kind. This is usually where my relatives would be working, so I faintly remembered, or thought I remembered in my dream. In any case this is what my dream told me to expect.

I looked around and saw myself asking the men working there if they knew a particular person who was to be the relative I was looking for. Who that person was supposed to be in reality, I actually don’t know. All I can remember is that I had the desire to speak to this particular relative, though I had no thought as to who that might be in real life. That’s the way dreams are most of the time, vague and made more of essential feeling than of objective facts.

In any case after I was told that there was no such person in that dark crowded work shop populated with laborers, I had apparently realized that I needed to urgently urinate. The feeling was overwhelming and unbearable. I quickly began asking where I might be able to find a toilet. But as I looked around at the faces of the men in the darkly lit workshop none of them seemed to know where a toilet might be. Then apparently one of the figures told me there was none to be found in the workshop.

But I could not accept that answer, I really needed to go, and so I asked one of the phantasms in my dream where did they go when they needed to urinate?

One of them, the very first person I saw, looked at me and then pointed to a strange looking black pot. It actually was the size of an old stove.

I looked at it and looked back at him, as if not able to accept that this was the only place a person could urinate. Yet the apparition affirmed that it was the only toilet available, and I looked at the pot again.

It was black, and seemed to consist of a large black semi-circular pot. It seemed to be standing on metal legs, and actually was made of metal, probably iron, and painted all black.

I looked at it and realized that it was actually quite full. I thought to myself that it was too full to accept anymore urine, but what could I do? I had, in the dream, the terrible urge to urinate. Feeling as I did, I had no choice and I approached the pot feeling that I had no choice but use it.

But as I got closer I realized that it was actually in a ditch. That is I would have to enter a shalow ditch in order to relieve myself. But for a second I felt that maybe that was better after all, since the room I was in was full of strange working men and I would have felt uncomfortable urinating in front of all those people. Perhaps my own mind tried to make things easier for me by creating a ditch in which the pot was located, giving me some cover, after all it was my dream!

So finally I found the resolve to step down into the ditch in which the Black Piss Pot was waiting. And I began to urinate and felt better until I realized that the pot was overflowing now. I also seemed to become aware of all the workers and how they might feel now that I overflowed their only toilet. A certain sense of anxiety found me again. Then, immediately it got worse. I looked down and realized that this pot had been overflowing for awhile. And then the dream turned to real consternation when I realized that the urine had formed a significant pool at the bottom of the ditch I was now standing in. My boots were now stained with all kinds of urine!

From here the dream began to turn nightmarish.

I saw myself leaving the shop, and suddenly I was transported to a park or a space where there was nothing but green grass for acres around with a large main street dividing two such parcels of a large expanse of green grass. It was bright and sunny. I felt as if I was walking carelessly and free, but then the realization that I had stepped in urine returned to me , and that my shoes were now probably wet and smelly again began to irritate and bother me. I looked down and saw that I had some kind of cowhide boots. And for a moment I was happy because I thought to myself they were waterproof and so whatever filth there might have been on my shoes it was not going to penetrate into my socks, or worse yet, affect the skin of my feet. There was even in that dream some relief in that thought, the urine of all those workers would not infect me.

But then I began getting upset again, or rather I felt that feeling of oppression come over me in the dream. I suddenly realized that my boots must have an awful stink to them for having been soaked in foul smelling stale urine.. I wanted to immediately cleanse them. Perhaps to find some water somewhere in the park and rinse my cowhide boots clean.

Sure enough my dream genie obliged me. I looked towards the large road and there, adjacent to the sidewalk was some sort of stand. There were a number of wooden planks, all painted in pure white oil paint. It was a rectangular area perhaps eight or nine feet long, five or six feet high and it was there right by the sidewalk. The stand gleamed in the sunlight.

There was a little white faucet attached right in the middle of this stand. Momentarily I felt happy. I would be able to clean my boots of the stale old urine in the ditch. But as I approached this stand, I began to see that there were several other devices on it. One was apparently a fire axe, another some kind of fire alarm as well as a faucet. All of these were painted pure white just like the wooden planks of the stand.

It was some kind of fire prevention stand. But even in the dream this seemed quite odd. Why would a fire stand painted in pure white be in the corner of a vast open field of green grass? There were apparently no buildings anywhwere near the stand. All there was was two large wide open fields of green grass, and this fire stand at their edge. It did not make sense, even in a dream!

Still, my overarching concern was to immediately clean my boots of the stench. And so with some little uneasiness I walked to the stand, reached towards the little white faucet and turned the knob. Sure enough some pure clean water started spilling out and I put my boots under the water and began to rinse them clean.

Then suddenly the fire alarm went off. By turning the knob on the faucet I had somehow set off a fire alarm! In London! In the middle of nowhere!

And then, out of thin air, a man shows up and I knew that this man was one of my relatives. How I knew this, I don’t know since I have never in my waking state remember ever seeing this man. But in the dream he was my relation, and I was certain of that. I did not have the impression that this was the person I was originally looking for however.

He had a terrible look of concern on his face, as if he was really worried about my safety. He looked at me with his eyes sharp and blue and said to me “they will be here in five minutes! You must leave immediately! Run! Run Little Stone! Run, leave!” It was strange to hear him use that epithet since that was in fact my nickname as a child, or so I thought in my dream. And though I don’t ever remember seeing anyone like him in real life, still in the dream I was convinced he was an old relation, and that I was in very serious trouble. I took flight in pure terror!

From this point on my dream turned to full blown nightmare!

I had an overwhelming feeling of fear! I could actually feel my heart pounding even in my sleep!

As anyone who has ever been to London will know, the city is very well regulated. The streets are clean, there are no debris. In some places you might actually be able to eat off the streets. Anyone caught throwing anything on the floor would be subject to large penalties, possibly imprisonment. Any minor infraction, could easily turn into a major ordeal. At least it used to be that way as I remember it.

In the dream I felt nothing but dread at the idea of being caught for accidentally triggering a fire alarm while trying to clean my boots of urine stench. It would completely ruin my quest. I would be arrested and fined severely! I had to flee right away! I was guilty of opening a faucet.

Suddenly my dream spirit obliged and I was transported somewhere else again. There was no continuity at all, as if a changing scene in a movie.

It was now dark, or rather twilight. In London however twilight can be any time of the day. It was cloudy and I was walking on the street lined with tenement buildings on either side. I turned into one of them and began to enter. But just as I entered I looked to my side and there was a fireman looking at me while descending into what seemed to be a large commercial book store in some sort of small mall. He looked at me, and I thought I should turn away, but then I realized I had somehow entered into a dark dead end. I could go nowhere except towards this fireman who did not really seem to recognize that I was the one who tripped the fire alarm anyway. But instead, I decided to play it safe, and I stepped out into what suddenly appeared to be a hallway where it had only just a moment before been a street.

I looked at the hallway and it was narrow, and there were white doors on both sides. Again painted with pure white lustrous oil paint. As I looked further down the hall, my fear took a sudden turn for the worst, for there was the chief of fire inspectors and he was dressed in a luminescent green overcoat. I could see his large hat and for some reason he struck terror into my heart. In my dream I was scared to death of some fire chief! I was guilty of triggering some fire alarm in the middle of nowhere in London! Dreams are strange.

Suddenly I turned away from him as I saw him doing a room to room search for me. There were other firemen running around also as if to assist this guy in finding the perpetrator.

I found a room and stepped inside and closed the door behind be. It was a well lit room with neon lights, the sort you might see in a school building. All the while I could hear the firemen searching, banging on neighboring doors looking for me!

I turned away from the door, hoping that somehow the lock would keep them out.

Then suddenly, as I had turned to look inside the room, I saw a piss pot again. It was the same kind I had seen at the start of my dream in the store. Black, Iron, semi-circular standing on four legs. Only this time it seemed smaller than the first one. There it was in the middle of this well lit room. I realized that once again I really needed to go. And I rushed to the pot and began to relieve myself. Into this same kind of black pot that all this started with. This one too was full to the brim, but this time there was no overflow, nor any ditch to worry about. The floors were tiled and clean. I was relieved for a second.

Then suddenly I looked to my left and there they were. Young School children sitting at what appeared to be white picnic tables, in what felt to me to be a school room in an elementary public shool. It appeared they were on lunch break. They seemed half asleep some holding their heads with their right or left hands, their eyes only partially opened. They seemed only vaguely aware of my presence. OMG! I just urinated in front of school children, in a school room, while on vacation in London, looking for my long lost relatives, and I was already a wanted man!

And then the fire chief starts to bang on the door and demands immediate entry!

I awoke in a sweat, shaking with fear. I stumbled clumsily out of bed barely able to stand. The nightmare had been so intense that it would not leave me till even after I had awoken. I made my way to my bathroom, and still the fear was with me. Slowly, in the comfort of my own home, in my own little bedroom bathroom, I began to calm down.

And then I thought to myself after returning to my bed that I was back in my warm bed, in my own home, in the good ole USA, back in good ole New York City. And then I began to think…and I could not sleep again all night.