What Me Worry?

Uncle Sam
You’ve got nothing to worry about. You’re in good hands.

There is Much Fear in our Country..but why?

Recently it has become apparent that a growing number of people seem to be unduly worried about events around the world and in the United States particularly. There has been a constant badger in mostly minor, seat of their pants media outlets about the possibility of the entire world order spiraling out of control. There is ceaseless talk of total catastrophic economic collapse , and of the possibility of complete social disorder, chaos, and infinite violence. There has even been talk of the very real possibility of world war, words not heard since Ronald Reagan single handedly subdued the late great Soviet Union with the threat of space weapons, and advanced smart bots. Although the main stream media is not so inclined as to alarm the American people-for what would be the point of scaring their customers when all the media really wants to do is sell them stuff? Still the once soft spoken fear mongering murmurs in the shadows have now become more like the shouts of hoards of mad people raging in the middle of the night during a really bad storm.

For this reason we think its time to look at the matter of world stability with a more sober eye for reality than is presently being promulgated by the “edge of psychological stability” community.

Lets first admit the facts so that we are clear on what needs to be considered:

Yes, we do owe monstrous amounts of money. As others have mentioned before the debt is really closer to 28 Trillion dollars than it is 18 Trillion. If we count state, local, and the Federal Reserve Debt, then the 28 Trillion dollar figure is way closer to reality than is the 18 T . Ok, so far so good.

But how was that debt created? If not for a push of a button it really didn’t need to exist at all. Someone at the Fed merely pushed a magic button and trillions of dollars appeared out of nowhere. Now to some that’s alarming, and indicative of the end of the economy, but its not. These people saying its something to worry a wart over are just scaredy cats. Afraid of things that go bump in the night.

We have Infinite Credit

Here’s why we shouldn’t really worry about the debt:

Think about it, if the Fed can press a button and make Trillions of dollars appear out of thin air, what’s to keep them from doing it again? Ok we owe 28 trillion dollars, but the Fed can just press another button and we can owe fifty, sixty seventy a hundred trillion dollars. Its just a button that needs to be pressed is all. No biggie.

Yes yes yes…its true numbers like these are scary to some of our political minded clucks out there and yes they will screech about how this is “dangerous” and “psychotic” and “impossible to sustain” and all that, but in reality it isn’t. Its just a button, press it, and we have way more credit and we can pay off any debt we need to pay in the interim. Just borrow more and pay your debts.

But some disconcerted few ingrates would say that the global economy might not be in the mood to see more credit coming out of the United States. They may be afraid of infinite quantitative easing and the like causing an eventual currency collapse. But this is not something to worry about.

As long as we can pummel any nay sayers with our infinitely more powerful military, everyone will be assured in our “system” and we can make ever more money, we can have the Federal Reserve buying used sofas if we need to. Besides, as any Harvard graduate economist will attest to, its the only way we really have to increase the money supply, after all our whole economic system is based on credit, and debt…and no this should not be interpreted as a “flaw”. No its genius, actually. We can forever increase the money supply, credit, and debt as long as we have the military presence of mind to back it up. Which is why its important to have a strong and violent military, and imaginative reasons for using it against unruly terrorists, and backwards thinking populations.

As they say, spare the rod, spoil the children.

Debt- now you see it, now you don’t

But ok, there are still some fools who think that one day the bottom will drop out and we’ll actually have to pay for all this debt. Then they go on to caw, cluck and bray that we might not be able to pay back all this debt.

But here’s the truth, and this is very important to note: just as we can press a button to create the debt, we can just as easily make it go away.

What’s to keep our media, and financial sector from gently nudging our democratically elected leaders into declaring all debts are now forgiven? I mean its easy to do. Whose going to argue about not having to pay their bills?

Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders is already leaning in that direction even now, and who knows, he might actually become our next president with a great idea like that! So many voters already understand the value of such innovative thinking.

All it would take is one button, and the ability to enforce the push. In an instant all US debt can be nullified. No more debt. No one owes anything to anyone! No more headaches. Problem solved!

As long as the hammer exists, who in their right mind is going to argue with such a practical solution? As we all know, sometimes brute force persuades even angels to sit down and have a drink.

But then the worrying sort will belch a retort like “what then, what happens when all debt is forgiven?” and no one knows what they can do to keep the economy going? This too is easily solved: Just lend more money from scratch! And while we’re at it, massively redistribute credit and debt! Everyone has brand new fresh money from scratch. The economy roars back to life! Problem solved again!

For example lets say you owe five hundred thousand for a brand new house you just bought. You didn’t have the money to pay for it, and were wondering how you and your entire family was going to live on the street. Then suddenly a new president with “flexible ideas” declares all debts null and void. Suddenly you don’t owe anything at all! You’re free, the house is yours for nothing. End of story. Happy days are here again!

Oh you might say but what about the poor bank? No problem. They will have no worries either, because they wont owe anything to anyone either! “But what if they don’t have money to pay their employees, or maintain their big buildings, or live the life of rich and famous bankers?” the poultry nay sayers will ask. What then?

No problem, the Federal Reserve pushes a button again, and the bankers suddenly  have more credit than they can imagine! The Federal government issues itself gigantic amounts of new credit-from the newly renovated banks- and provides for a national stipend to everyone in the nation. Suddenly that poor family that was about to lose their home now has a small sum to keep them going while they work. Just that easy! Cant be done? Actually in some ways it has been done already. It just needs to be done with even more conviction next time. Problem solved-again.

Now the really clever chicken clucks out there will point out that foreign nations may not be willing to accept the “Magic Money” coming out of the Federal Reserve this time. Wrong again. The Global economy will just do the same exact thing! They too will simply press a button-except for shmucks like the Greeks who were stupid enough to give up their right to print- all the rest could simply press a button, with our approval, of course, and voila, trillions of yen, trillions of Euros, trillions of British Pounds, trillions of Chinese Yuan, trillions of brand new Rubles appear out of nowhere to save the day! Problem solved, again and again! And the Chicken Clucks go back to their hens!

Yes, all this can be solved with a push of a button. Button creates problem, button solves problem. No worries.

Negative Money is Positively Ingenious

Now The concept of “Negative Money” associated with Negative Interest scares too many people, mostly because they are not progressive minded enough. Negative interest rates recently proposed by the Federal Reserve can mean a good thing. It would mean that if you lend someone ten dollars for example, they could give you back nine and you’d be squared! It would mean that your bank would now pay you to borrow money from them! Europe is already doing this! You get paid just to borrow money. How great is that? All you’d have to do is borrow money and make a good living!

It could also come to mean that after working twelve hours and getting paid you can then take that negatively charged money to someone and ask for a product, like a bras for your new girl friend. But instead of getting a bras, your money only gives you the right to work for the boutique. Therefore you work a little more, maybe a few hours, and then you get your bras. But without your negatively charged money, you wouldn’t have the right to work at all! Brilliant! Can you imagine all the increased full employment we could experience?

Or, if as you’re walking down the street you find a twenty, or hundred dollar bill on the floor-and there will be plenty of those floating all over the place-and you pick that bill up and go to the store to buy something. But instead you are told that your hundred dollar bill gives you the right to work at the store, maybe as a sweeper, or  shelf-stocker. Suddenly your good luck in finding a hundred dollar bill would mean that you are now employed! No agencies, no headaches. Automatic employment.

It would mean that instead of having to pay someone to clean your house, they would have to have to pay you for cleaning your house! Think of all the people you could eventually hire and become rich no matter how you invest your Negative Money!

Negative Money is one of the great concepts of our time! Why should money always be positive anyway? The world is made of both positives and negatives. All this while we were cheating ourselves and didn’t know it. Now we can use money in the other direction. Instead of it being merely credit, it can now be debt as well.

Yes it is difficult for some to grasp the concept of negative money, I can understand why, so lets try one more example that will make it clearer to you.

Lets say you are paying your mortgage off( assuming all debt is not dismissed by Bernie Sanders) well that would mean that each time you pay your bill instead of seeing your mortgage get smaller, it would get bigger! Think about that! What a novel concept. You would then receive a notice from the bank asking you to come in and do some form of labor in order to cover your increase in mortgage. Possibly clean desks, mop floors and the like. But you would have a job. Instead of sitting around drinking beer on Sundays, annoying your family with some useless football game, you could go out and do some real work for your bank, and thus slowly, very slowly, pay off your mortgage!

But better yet, and here’s the true genius of negative money:  you could simply skip the payments and it would pay off itself! The longer it stays unpaid, the more money the bank will owe you! You wouldn’t even have to work since you wouldn’t actually have to make payments for your Negative Money Debt. You could stay at home and collect on your mortgage debt-so long as you used Negative Money, instead of the old Positive Money as a down payment on your new house!  Instead of working, you could do other things more important to yourself and your family.

Imagine the added productivity that Negative Money might create! No worries here either.

World War Three could also be a Blessing

Now, the clucks will not so easily give up. No, they’ll continue to look for downfalls and doomsdays, and all that jazz. They’ll say the world is being destabilized, violence is everywhere, weapons, guns, missiles and death and all that. They’ll mention Russia, Ukraine, China, Japan, Korea, Pakistan, India, Syria, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Libya, Venezuela, Columbia, Israel and Africa and go on and on until they run out of breath and turn blue in the face with warnings of imminent military conflict.

They’ll madly whisper cryptic anecdotes about how all these wars are being orchestrated by the “merchants of Petra” and that its all about some mountain of effusive Myrrh that was found at the bottom of the Mediterranean sea. And how this is all about reestablishing the ancient “Spice” route from Petra to Constantinople and then into “Europa” all the while putting the evil Scythians out of business…..and forever expand on insane anachronistic paranoiac conspiracy theories like these.  Meanwhile most people don’t even know what Myrrh is, or what even the word effusive means. And as for Petra and Constantinople? What are these people even talking about? These cities don’t exist anymore. Too much History channel I say. And as for Europa? I thought that was a moon around Jupiter! And on and on they’ll go about how “dangerous” the world has become because of Scythians, and Mongols, and Carpathians etc etc etc.. and most people don’t even know what they’re talking about. Useless nonsense.

They just don’t get it.

These fears, even if there is anything behind them are easily solved with more military might, and the imminent threat of extreme violence. Remember, we do have Nukes, and they’re just sitting there gathering dust, as leading presidential candidate Donald Trump has already probably realized! I mean a business man would ask “why did we build those things if we didn’t intend to use them?” and we know he would be right. We have too much invested in those weapons to just let them sit there and rot, so, if we have to, we would just be making good on our investments. Something a consummate business mogul like Mr. Trump must have long ago realized. And as we can see he’ll probably be our next president. So we do have solutions if we need them. Again, no worries, be happy we have those killer weapons and we will probably enjoy using them, possibly even spawn new industries after we’re done. Decontamination may one day become a big business, something investors should be eyeing even now.

Now as for Vladimir Putin, leader of the present Russian Federation, affectionately known as “the Vlad”-or “meine Vlad” as German leader Angela Merkel is often heard to whisper- being a danger to world stability, a war monger, and possible world destroyer? No way because he’s a “Reformed” former KGB agent. He’s no longer to be compared to former Soviet leaders who once wanted to rectologically eviscerate the planet Earth, but is now a far more mundane sort of world leader much more prone to compromise and good humor than to unlimited unadulterated violence, and Nuclear Holocaust. He is not as some worry warts keep saying, some kind of “Ivan the Terrible” incarnate. No, he’s actually a very warm soft spoken, gentle human being who is down to Earth and really cares about his friends and partners. I once read that he prays for world peace every night, and attends church every Sunday. He’s a kind hearted, simple man who only wishes to make friends of enemies and family of old “friends”. If he’s angry now, its only because Barack Obama has refused to be the kind of friend the Vlad expects him to be. Obama has at times been a little distant and cold hearted although otherwise a great world leader.

Now it is quite true that there is some concern in Russia about the possibility of another deluded psychopath from the west attacking the Russian people for no apparent reason other than to kill off their population and take their land, as sadly was attempted four times in recent European Russian relations. Yes the Russians did lose forty million people in the last two world wars, and yes they were the hopeful target of nuclear annihilation in the now over “Cold War” but times have changed and they know that!

Today the Russian generals and politicians understand that there are plenty of medications available for those in the west afflicted by mass homicidal delusions of grandeur. Most of the West is covered by all kinds of social health programs, and anyone needing stabilizing medicine can usually receive it for nothing more than a small co payment. So there’s less concern of psychopathically deluded leaders emerging from Europe.

However there is some concern about Obamacare, and the possibility that those who need strong psychiatric medications may not be able to afford them, and that these somewhat unstable people may possibly attain high office or great influence in the Western world.
The Russians and Chinese have their own particular breed of clucks and  hairsplitters. They sometimes say “its easy to become a ‘leader’ in the West, as long as you can appear on a comedy show and be funny you can lead the world to war.” But there’s no proof that funny people who appear on American comedy shows are necessarily dangerous or unstable. And most Chinese and Russians know this.

Yeah, if a nut did attain power in the west, this could lead to an increase in Russian or Chinese mortality rates.

But, we all know that those in high places can easily afford whatever medications they need, and there is little possibility of wildly deranged people reaching a point of vast influence and power in the United States or Europe. The Russians are well aware that our medications are far more advanced-albeit more expensive than whatever they have there. So there’s really nothing to worry about. The Russians know we mean well these days. They are not going to strike out in fear or anything, and no, just because they have a lot of nukes and make them in all sizes does not mean they’ll use them in the event of an accidental skirmish. Ok they don’t have as many options as we do, and would be tempted to go Nuclear quickly and all, but our friendship and good intentions is bound to win the day with the Russians and Chinese. No worries there.

Yeah yeah yeah…cluck cluck cluck…oil and debt, middle east, supplies, gigantic debts, oil price spikes, currency collapse, energy embargoes, world war and all the other cluck, but there are  no real worries here.

The Russians and Chinese love our music and our culture too much to be our true enemies even though they sometimes pretend to be for domestic appearances.

North Korea is in the house

Even the North Koreans are into the “hood” culture so popular in the United States and Europe.  Kim Jong il recently invited former basketball player Dennis Rodman for a visit. And Kim Jong and Dennis actually “chilled” as they say. They became the best of friends and soul mates over a basketball game.

In fact the South Koreans were so impressed with Dennis Rodman’s visit to North Korea, and the welcoming warmth he felt from young Kim Jong , that they actually set up some gigantic Boom Boxes on the North Korean border. They thought the North Korean people would enjoy some music from the “hood”, playing twenty four hours of “Lil Kim” at five hundred watts(so that everyone in the North could enjoy.) Well as anyone whose passed  by the outer boroughs of New York City will know, too much of a good thing all at once can be a little disconcerting and cause us to get carried away with our weapons; and so the North Koreans did fire a few salvos into the South and well,there was a small misunderstanding and so called political crisis, but now its all resolved and everyone is looking forward to the day when brotherly love will prevail. The North Koreans know their place, and are slowly warming up to our way of life.

We are conquering our would-be mortal enemies with our great personalities.

Yes so there is no worry here, only progress towards a more “peaceful” coexistence.

..And what If we did have to Nuke it out with Russia and China?

Now if we really had to use nukes merely for persuasion, well, we could still manage. As we all know there are secret agreements between Russia , China and the United States that limited Nuclear war is not only manageable, but possibly even advantageous.

Should for example a nuclear war be needed for the sake of global peace, all the rest of the world can be bombed while avoiding direct conflict or engagement between the main actors. Yes this would not bode well for Europe, Asia, the Middle East, Africa, South America or even Australia and New Zealand. But after it was all over, the United States Russia and China could rebuild the entire world anew and to their liking. As any real estate tycoon will tell you, its easier to demolish and then build, than to refurbish an old infested building.

In the event of an unfortunate and purely accidental nuclear conflict between the major powers, the entire world would become available for re-population. Yes there would be cleanup, and it might get a little cold for awhile, but that  would only inspire new industries.  And  global warming would warm things up again in a few short decades. And after that the populations of the United States(now much larger than before thanks to open border policies) and the populations of Russia, and especially China would be more than enough to repopulate the Earth, or what’s left of it.

Some have even begun to think that the real reason the United States is taking in all these immigrants from all over the place is so as to create a kind of “Noah’s Ark” and gain a population advantage, just in case a lasting peace must be attained through the use of global  -decisive but limited-annihilation. The good thing in a well controlled finely tuned nuclear war is that there would be far more Americans left proportionally to the remaining world’s population than there are now! Imagine the influence we could attain then!

Do Not Fear our Presidential Candidates!

Ok, there are some distorted disconcerted views around the world, and inside our own good country concerning the caliber and competence of our presidential candidates. But this insecurity is misplaced, and the reason is quite clear. These are probably the best presidential candidates we have ever had!

But there is so much negativity out there that the average voter might just miss the true talent that our present presidential candidates really have!

So many cruel and unusual statements have been made about Donald Trump the front runner in the Republican lineup that there ought to be an amendment against such verbal abuse.

Well what can we not say of Donald Trump? He is a very successful businessman, an accomplished man, a real talent, a media personality, ubiquitous. Donald Trump is a very rich , vociferous and forceful man who  gets his way all of the time.

Falsely accused of having some bad business deals and going bankrupt,  he actually managed to sell off his losses before the Atlantic City casino business collapsed!

The “Donald” as he is fondly referred to by his friends, managed to evade all those losses at Atlantic City by sheer cunning and his “deal making” talents. Yes there are those who say that those who were stupid enough to actually buy his failing businesses were screwed out of billions of dollars etc etc etc….but as Mr. Trump is fond of saying they “deserved it”! And those who were foolish enough to actually buy his failing businesses were certainly “not nice people” as he has often pointed out and they certainly deserved what they got for their folly! After all they were very greedy and they believed Mr Trump when they bought his failed businesses! Serves them right I say! When dealing with a powerhouse like Mr. Trump, you need to keep your wits about you at all times. And if you don’t and wind up getting taken, well that’s too bad, you should have been “wiser”. Business is no place for the meek, mild and innocent. There’s a “sucker born every minute” saith the great W.C. Fields!

There is so much viciousness against Mr. Trump that its really quite unsettling and so unfair, as he will often say to himself. Often his critics will say things like “his hair weave must have grown roots inside his head” or “his hair weave is made of Teflon that grows both ways and affects his mind” and other such cruel comments. I think Mr. Trump looks quite handsome with his new gold platinum hair . He certainly looks better than if he had been bald! I don’t know how far down the hair weave roots might have gone or if they’re made of two ways growing Teflon, but I don’t think its affected his mind as some vicious people continue to claim without scientific foundations of any sort. Besides Teflon is some sort of metal, how could they make it grow anyways? All probably lies and mean innuendo. I think his detractors are so vane! And obviously jealous of his success and prowess.

As for his so called “attacks” on “poor” Rosy O’Donnell? Well what can we say. She accused him of being a beady eyed condo salesman. He accused her of being old , bad tempered, and physically violent and lacking any kind of talent, and of not being very attractive to him. Certainly there was a reason for those attacks by Mr. Trump. Too often she would bring up the idea that Mr. Trump wore cheap wigs in order to look attractive. But Mr. Trump is attractive! Comedian Mindy Kaling recently confessed that she would kiss the Donald for two hours straight, and even have his baby, if only she could have that chance! And there are many other young women who feel the same exact way, I’m sure.

That sexually alluring sneer that so many women find attractive is certainly nothing to sneeze at! And his new hair coupled with his bold new political media orgasmic presidential campaign is quite sexy. Even while they argued you could easily see the attraction between Fox interviewer Megyn Kelly and Mr Trump. Sexual attraction cant be hidden by a made up news script! In between the accusations and thinly veiled attacks on each others privacies, you could easily see that Megyn Kelly was leering at him, overwhelmed by his attractiveness.

Even CNN moderator Jake Tapper could not fail but show his true admiration for the Donald. You could easily see that Tapper longed to have the talents of a man of Mr. Trump’s stature all of his life.

As for what he can actually do as president, if elected? Mr. Trump is a man who knows the economy. He knows how to create jobs, he knows what this nation needs to have done to it. He has all the right connections and real knowledge of the way this nation is really run-or should be run-by him! Knowing a few mindless concepts learned in school means nothing, but knowing dirt , grime, machinations, and slick maneuvers that keep the economy going is how you really create jobs, and get people to work for you, productively.

Mr. Trump knows those who  have real talent in this nation and how to apply that talent. For example he’s the only one of those candidates who can have dinner with Loyd Blankfein on any given night. As we know Floyd “da Banksta” Blankfien -as he is affectionately and admirably referred to in the boxing community- is an extraordinarily talented man who understands the usage of the economy better than anyone. Mr Trump who often mentions Mr Blackfien as a benefactor, friend, and mentor will be in a far better position to apply Mr. Blackfien’s talents and genuine insights than any other candidate.

The Iron truth is that Mr. Trump would make a great president and a great world leader! He would take our nation into a brand new dimension that even Barack Obama couldn’t match.

As for all the rest of the candidates? Well there’s Hillary of course. She has talent she doesn’t know what to do with really. She is just as capable of being president of Sweden, or England, or Nigeria as she is of being president of the United States. Her talents are frankly “limitless”, crazy almost,  and she would make a very difficult opponent for Mr. Trump. Its not likely she would defeat the “Donald” in a head to head election-after all he’s an established media personality, and she is not at all liked by the media- but perhaps Mr. Trump could give her a job too, possibly make her secretary of state again, only this time without all the controversies, or the little blow up in Libya. Or perhaps she might run for the senate again in Alaska, or become governor of California. Or she might choose to run for president in Russia, or China. She could actually win there and reduce the need for us taking military risks. She has great talent, that’s for sure.

The Email scandal? Look she was married to Bill Clinton, its quite understandable why she wouldn’t want people looking at her emails. Would you? A small scandal like that is nothing to stand in her way, she’s overcome much worse in the past. She might even become president if Mr. Trump were to drop out for some pressing business reason. Once president she would prompt a Revolution to be sure.

As for the others? They are all quite talented. Bernie Sanders would, if he were elected rightfully distribute all the debt to not just the rich, but the poor as well. Why should only rich people pay for our debt? That way after the poor paid for the debt in part, they too could be given enormous credit and live happy productive lives as well. In fact they could be given credit first, and then asked to pay for the debt. If by that time they’re unable to repay, someone else could pay for it, or just have the debt cancelled. Its all good.

“Humble” Mike Huckabee  would bring God back into our lives.  And this is probably going to be a good thing as we will all need to hold on to some kind of hope in the near future, by the looks of things. Liberalism has progressed far too much, and personal liberties must always be tempered by religious doctrine in order to be of value. Some say he might cause a pandemic of rampant alcoholism if elected, but I just don’t see the rationale behind these fears.

Dr Ben Carson being a trained Neurosurgeon knows how to cut into people’s brains and remove malignancies. He might have the ability to rehabilitate our congress and add more substance to our media- and improve the rest of our lives as well. He has been accused of being a little too subdued, “creepy” and somewhat “strange”, even by Donald Trump. But in reality there’s an extraordinarily violent dynamism just below the surface of his personality, and we can all sense that.  A man so skillful with a knife would know how to cut taxes better than any other candidate. Not having any political experience he would not be so easily removed from the task, like others might. No history of political or organizational experience of any kind could be a true blessing here.

And Carly Fiorino too is a tremendous candidate. Why are so many people attacking this wonderfully talented woman? She managed to survive the destruction of Hewlet Packard, and is now actually running for president! How many other people could do that? If she could survive what happened to Hewlet Packard, whose to say what she could do with our nation? She is a talented forceful woman who would make a great president, and world business leader- and could survive, no matter how badly things went.

So we’re in good hands. Our presidential candidates are probably the best candidates ever. There should be no worries here.

Our Immigration “problem” can become someone else’s

There is also this constant nagging about illegal immigration and the danger that it poses if not “solved”. But the truth is that all of our candidates have wonderful ideas about how to solve this stubborn little problem alarming the American public.

Take for example the proposals of Mr. Trump. Yes Mr Trump has spoken ill of Mexican illegal aliens and the like. Yes he has called them “rapists, murderers, and free loaders and generally undesirable” but he really didn’t mean it that way. He has proposed deporting up to twenty million illegal aliens and the like and yes that would be very difficult. Its true they might take up arms and attempt to kill us all before they go, but the truth is that once the process of deportation is perfected we can deport just about anyone.

Why stop at twenty million illegal aliens when we can continue to deport all “undesirables”? If the process is perfected, and rightful force is used properly in the process we might be able to deport millions more that we don’t need here! Twenty, thirty, fifty, one hundred or one hundred fifty million undesirables could then easily be deported all over the world.

Even if we keep our borders open, we can keep deporting!  All we’d need to do is learn to target deport to the right places. Using our military we could potentially colonize most of the known world with our own people! Americans , who even though they were deported would still have allegiance to our own nation-once an American, always an American. Anyway what choice would they have? Having been kicked out of our nation, they would naturally aspire to be one of us so as to prove their worth eventually. We would have attained hundreds of millions of ex-patriots all over the world in just a few decades! We could in this way conquer vast continents that have so far been difficult to manage using just brute force and unmitigated violence! Trillions of dollars in new wealth could be obtained! This is the kind of true genius that Mr Trump represents. Admittedly no one else has come close to matching his proposals.

Now other candidates are far less creative than is Mr. Trump, but still,  Marco Rubio has bright ideas too. Why not just let everyone into the United States and then hire all of them to work for peanuts? That would certainly reduce prices for those who still have money to spend!  Marco Rubio has also proposed that we become a nation of multiple dialects, and many tongues like the tower of babble for example. In this way no one would feel left out. Those who say the tower of babble was a curse of God don’t understand that we are the United States, and can do, and will do whatever we want to do. If we choose to speak a different language on every block, every town, city, or state, we can do it if we want to! We have great portable translators, and this would be great for the retail business -this alone would stimulate the economy.

Bernie Sanders has proposed giving every new arrival a vast education, free housing, free medical care, and a car. It would only cost ten or twenty trillion dollars that we really would never have to pay back-since he would dismiss the debt, but think of all the productivity this would generate in the interim! Genius if ever there was one! Even Pope Francis would approve.

The immigration problem does not have to be a problem. Used the right way, the open door policy  could be the best thing that ever happened to our nation.

Ahhh…my dollar is shrinking!

Now there is also this constant jibber jabber of an imminent currency collapse among the neanderthal- backwards looking-intelligentsia.

Look, a currency can be anything at all. It can be gold, silver, “favors”, performances, plain stones, rocks, or even just a number on a computer screen. If our currency fails, we can just as quickly create another one.

For example Comedy is booming in our nation. Some of the richest and most powerful personalities in the media are actually comedians. There is some serious talk of turning comedy into a national currency. Tell a great joke, get a service for your joke. The better the joke the better the service.

Jokes can now be rated as well. A good joke or comedy routine can now be stored as a sound byte, and even rated for real value. The better the comedy routine the more one’s currency is worth! Instead of paying people with hum drum old dollar bills we can instead use wild sensational comedy routines for payment. We can therefore sell the rights to these comedy routines as well. We can exchange comedy routines with our friendly economies around the globe. If the Japanese can create funnier personalities than we do, they would have a more valuable currency. Their jokes would buy more than ours etc etc etc.

As for those who aren’t funny, and only know how to perform hum drum everyday tasks, like pilot airplanes for example(most pilots are not much known for their radiant personalities, except for John Travolta of course), still they would have to attain the currency rights to good comedy routines! Therefore after flying a jet airliner across the pacific for sixteen hours, pilots would then be paid in stored comedy routines. Using those comedy routines they could easily pay for their rent,  car,  boat, or whatever it is that pilots use in their spare time. Very hard working pilots could even take private Jet trips to far away places and let someone else do the driving, maybe even John Travolta, if they have saved enough comedy currency to pay him with. He would be expensive.

We could create comedy banks at the Federal Reserve. Just hire people to do “funny” things and then exchange goods with those routines. We could lend out comedy routines to banks, who would then lend out those routines for much more than they borrowed them for, just like “real” money. We could even “print” comedy routines. Just credit a bank with large amounts of comedy currency, and then have some poor funny shmuck make it worth something with an actual comedy routine.

So you see even if our currency were to collapse, there would be nothing to worry about really. We could always just make another one! All it would take is a good joke.

So as you can see , in short, the world is safe no matter what happens,  and no one should believe its all coming to an abrupt end no matter how dark it looks outside. Good humor, a confident attitude, and a refusal to associate one’s self with negative, backwards leaning, morose, dire looking people who refuse to evolve will ultimately make the Sun shine again! No matter what happens, the Sun will shine!

Post Script:

Please stay tuned for my next post which will be entitled “Je suis Yoplay”…the personal tragedy of a soulless, sour little milk curd once insidiously yet insistently disabused by its mother but who was destined to triumphantly become one of the great social critics of our times.
Jonathan Bartholomew Boots